You Still My Girl?
by cebyk
Summary: Set after The Gift, Angel goes to say goodbye. One-shot, AU.


Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or Angel! This is just for fun.

Timeline: Set after season 5 and before season 6

A/N: Hey guys! This is my very first fanfiction so go easy on me. Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated! I hope you enjoy!

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Holding a bouquet of white roses in hand, I walked, feeling the damp grass under my shoes. I had been here so many times before, but now, it's all new. I came here before, never like this. I can feel I am close because of the pang in my cold, unbeating heart. The lump in my throat grows bigger as I reach my destination. Here I was, facing the brutal, unmerciful slab of stone that is proof... _proof_ that she is truly gone. I kneel down and I place the roses next to her tombstone. I trace her name with my fingertips, reminding myself of what a great woman she was.

"Buffy, I'm so sorry." The words get caught in my throat. I took a moment to regain myself. "I'm sorry I couldn't be here to help. I should have been here for you. I could have fought by your side. You wouldn't have had to do this alone." I felt tears threatening to fall.

I heard a voice behind me. "It's not your fault Angel." I turned my head so fast, I could've sworn I got whiplash. I turned in the direction of where the voice came from. "Buffy..." I couldn't believe my eyes, I was completely speechless. I guess the lack of blood flow really kicked in.

She laughed, "Angel, you should close your mouth if you don't want to catch flies."

I had enough blood in my brain to sputter out, "You're...dead. How?"

She rolled her eyes. "Look who's talking. You're dead too aren't you? You're up and about." She paused and looked down. "But, yeah I am. Guess this time it's final huh?" She looked towards her tombstone. "Set in stone now." She gave out a sigh. "I like the flowers. Thank you." She turned her gaze to me. "Angel, listen. I can't stay long. But to answer your question, the Powers That Be is letting me say goodbye. After all, I did save the world a couple times. They owe me big time." She smiled.

"No!" She looked at me startled. "I mean, I don't _want_ to say goodbye, Buffy. You don't deserve this."

She cupped my cheek in her hand. "No Angel," she said gently. "It was my time." She paused, then gave out a quick laugh. "That sounded really cheesy, didn't it?" I smiled and gave her a nod. "Death was my gift. I figured it out...took me a while though. I can finally rest, you know? I mean I have been fighting all of my life with death on my heels. It feels good to finally be able to just stop running."

"You're dead, and yet you still are Buffy. You know, joking and laughing in the toughest times. Giving hope when it seems all hope was lost. You always gave me a reason to fight when I thought there was nothing else to fight for." I paused and thought about what I had just said. "Guess it's my time to sound cheesy, huh?" I gave her a smile and she laughed. "I have so much to say. Didn't realize how much I wanted to tell you 'til you were gone."

"So talk...I'm right here." She kneeled down beside me.

I took a deep, needless breath and gave her a grief-stricken look. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for a lot of things. Mainly, for leaving you. It wasn't my right to decide what was best for us. I could stay here all night and give you excuses, but you deserve better. The moment I stepped foot in Los Angeles, I realized what I big mistake I made. But I couldn't come back. There wasn't a moment that went by where I didn't regret my decision. I'm sorry for all the pain I caused you. I hurt you so much, with and without a soul."

I looked her in the eye and I took her hand. I missed her touch. It was tempting to just take her and just kiss her. "There is something else. More important and I need to say it if this is really goodbye." For some reason, I can't say it. It's not a hard thing to say. Just that... if I say it now, then it really is goodbye. I am admitting it, I am letting go. No, Angel...don't say it...don't let her go.

"Thank you."

"For what?" She gave me a confused look.

"For treating me like a man, when everyone else saw me as a monster. You made me feel alive, well as alive as I can be. Just looking at you made my unlife worth living. I loved you the moment I saw you. I loved the fire you possessed when you fought for the ones you loved. I loved the confidence you inspire. I loved every part of you. I still do. You made me feel redeemed. You made me feel like killing the gypsy was the best decision of my life, because I got to meet you. But I knew I couldn't have you. I wanted you so bad, I didn't care about losing my soul, it would've have been worth it. All I wanted was you. I couldn't take that chance. I tried to make you go away, I tried to convince myself that I didn't love you anymore. But when I see you smile, when I hear you laugh, I knew I wasn't fooling anybody. I was just lying to myself to ease the pain of knowing that I could never have you."

I looked down and the sodden grass from the afternoon rain. I felt a hand on my cheek, raising my head up. Before I could do anything, I felt her gentle lips against my cold ones and our lips met, embracing in a passionate kiss. Right then, I felt content...redeemed. I feel truly happy for the first time in my immortal life. I want to hold this kiss for eternity, if she let go at all...it would be too soon. Buffy parted her lips from mine...I felt like I was on fire for not being able to touch her. She looked me in the eyes and in the most gentle, loving way she said, "All I ever wanted was you, Angel. You were the light in my dark world. You were the only thing that made sense to me. Every time you would look at me, you made me feel extraordinary. You gave me a reason to fight, to live. Everyday of my life was hard and exhausting, but at the end of the day...when you would hold me in your arms, you made me feel like everything was going to be alright. Angel, I love you."

Hearing those words, it feels like the whole world went away, all of our problems along with it. She's my whole world, and hearing her tell me that I feel at peace. She got up and started walking away. I want to pull her back down and pull her into another kiss. I couldn't move. I curse myself for not being able to stop her. All I can do is watch her walk away into the night. I want to scream at her to stop, but the words just aren't coming out. I finally get some blood into my legs and I run after her. I run as fast as my dead body would let me. I yell after her, "Buffy!!" She turns around to look at me. She has a captivating smile on her face. I can't help but to smile back, although this means goodbye. It's now or never. "You still my girl?"

"Always" I hear that and I feel like we had never parted. She smiles one last time, the same smile I fell in love with, and she's gone. I drop to my knees and I put my head in my hands. Crimson tears roll down my face. I break down and start sobbing, wondering why I can't cry real tears for my dead lover.


End file.
